I Can’t Be This Protagonist Chapter 147

There was heavy snow outside the window.

In the window, the atmosphere was cold, but there was a trace of temperature between the two people because of the snow. Ji Yao sat by the bed and gently rubbed Yan Shuang’s face with his fingers.

Yan Shuang asked calmly, “where have you been in the past half a month?”

“Deal with something.”

“How long are you going to keep me?”

Ji Yao stopped touching his cheek, looked down at the soft outline of Yan Shuang’s face in the dark, and said after a moment of silence: “a lifetime.”

Yan Shuang smiled. “Your whole life is so long. You’re too full of words.”

“I said all my life, that’s all my life.”


Ji Yao is also asking himself: why? Why do you have to hold on to this man?

The answer looms, like a layer of fog. The thick and dark fog may be uncovered by reaching out, and may never go out.

“I don’t know.”

The atmosphere in the room seemed to get cold again because of these three words.

Yan Shuang twisted his face, avoided Ji Yao’s fingers, shrunk his head into the quilt and buried himself.

Ji Yao sat by the bed for a while. Seeing that Yan Shuang had been wrapped in the quilt without moving, he stretched out his hand and pulled the quilt to let him out for air. Yan Shuang pulled the quilt and refused to let go. The more Ji Yao pulled his quilt, the tighter he wrapped it.

After the last quilt in the palm was pulled away, Ji Yao took a look at his empty palm, palm harvest fist, and got up after beating his knee. As soon as he got up, Yan Shuang hiding in the quilt said, “are you leaving again?”

Ji Yao stood by the bed without saying a word.

He didn’t mean not to answer Yan Shuang. He was just thinking.

While he was meditating, Yan Shuang opened the quilt. The “tug of war” just now made his hair a little messy. His eyes were still surprisingly bright in the dark, “you want to torture me, don’t you?”

Ji Yao was buttoned with such a big hat by him, his eyebrows slightly locked, “nonsense.”

“In such a big house, I’m the only living person in the whole building. Don’t mention those servants to me. They all look like ghosts. Even if they meet, they are all mute. Seeing me is like seeing a ghost. I can hide as far as I can. I haven’t even talked for half a month!”

Yan Shuangyue became more and more excited. He stood up directly from the bed, bent over and grabbed Ji Yao’s collar. His eyes stared at Ji Yao like a hungry wolf. In the evening, the look of nothing happened in the hot spring swimming pool finally disappeared in the dark, “I understand. You want me to talk to you and see you alone. You pervert! Psycho! Ji Yao! I fuck your eight ancestors!”

After he scolded, he bowed his head and kissed Ji Yao’s lips.

A kiss is more like a beast’s gnawing.

He bit Ji Yao’s lips hard and sucked the blood and smell on Ji Yao’s lips like a vampire.

Ji Yao carried his hands back and realized what he had done to Yan Shuang.

If a person is locked up in a building for a long time, he will go crazy.

Several overlapping pictures flashed in my mind, pills, blades, chaos and hysterical cries.

The nerve end twinkled painfully, while his other nerve was excited and active.

Ji Yao frowned lightly and then returned to his normal appearance.

Ji Yao put his hand around Yan Shuang, gently stroked his back, and breathed warm on Yan Shuang’s face. He stood quietly and let Yan Shuang tear his lips until Yan Shuang had enough vent, he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

The thin body leaned against him half on its knees.

Ji Yao felt a little heat on the side of his neck flowing into his shirt along his neck.

“Don’t go…” Yan Shuang’s voice became weak, “hold me…”

Ji Yao had not seen Yan Shuang so helpless for a long time. He lowered his eyelashes and looked at the man leaning on his shoulder. Yan Shuang was holding his collar and looked up at him. His eyes and expression were pitiful. Seeing Ji Yao looking at him, he put his lips close, pecked and kissed Ji Yao’s bloody lips, and whispered, “does it hurt?”

Ji Yao looked at him quietly, his eyes flashing dark and inexplicable light.

Yan Shuang saw that he was indifferent. A little water mist filled his eyes. He was like a small animal. He even kissed his chin with some flattering meaning. “Don’t go tonight, okay?”

The Adam’s apple rolled up and down. Ji Yao hugged him with one arm and put him flat on the bed. Yan’s arms tightly wrapped around his arms and begged, “don’t go, stay with me.”

“I won’t go.”

The affirmative reply made Yan Shuang’s face relax a little.

Next, Ji Yao did lie next to Yan Shuang as he said. He put people in his arms and gently stroked Yan Shuang’s black hair, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you alone.”

Yan Shuang shrank in his arms and his body trembled slightly.

“Are you leaving tomorrow?”

“Don’t go.”

“What about the day after tomorrow?”

“Don’t go either.”


Ji Yao kept his promise. In the next few days, he and Yan Shuang were almost inseparable. No matter what he did, he would stay in Yan Shuang’s sight. Yan Shuang also timely showed that “it’s good to have you, how can I live without you”.

Until the seventh day, Ji Yao disappeared again.

Yan Shuang: the dregs are gone. He has a showdown. He doesn’t pretend. He’s coming for a better life alone!

Yan Shuang continued to eat and drink every day, watch TV and play games in the villa, pretending to be autistic, and occasionally fell something and became neurotic.

He guessed that the camera of the villa was better than Wei Yichen.

However, he is basically acting in his own color, and there is little pressure.

Round it up. Isn’t that equivalent to retirement?

Yan Shuang once again praised his decision to arrange Ji Yao at the end.

He is so wise!

After more than ten days of “retirement” life, Ji Yao finally appeared again in the evening.

This time, Yan Shuang didn’t even “Install” the light wind and light cloud. He rushed downstairs and jumped up at the moment Ji Yao opened the door.

The warm human body rushed into his arms. Ji Yao hugged the man with one hand and whispered, “why did you run out with so few clothes?”

Yan Shuang didn’t say anything, but he hugged him harder with both hands. He was wrapped very tightly, like a dodder wrapped with a parasitic plant.

Ji Yao picked up the man and entered the villa against the snowflakes.

This time Yan Shuang’s reaction was more powerful than the first time.

He pestered Ji Yao without saying a word and refused to leave him for a moment. His cheek was on Ji Yao’s shirt, and the tip of his nose greedily smelled his taste.

Ji Yao held him and sat down by the fireplace, gently stroking his back, “what’s the matter?”

Yan Shuang didn’t speak, and the whole man stuck to him.

The fire in the fireplace jumped and pulled their shadows long and strange. Ji Yao’s white face was half bright and half ignorant in the fire, and he didn’t speak. He just kept stroking Yan Shuang with his palm, from his hair, back neck and back… Like comforting a lost child.

After a long time, Yan Shuangcai seemed to calm down in his arms. He grabbed Ji Yao’s shirt and looked up with a pitiful look. “You lied to me, you said you wouldn’t go.”

“Something happened suddenly,” Ji Yao said faintly. “I need to deal with it myself.”

“… then let me go…”

Ji Yao gently stroked his hair and tried to push him away. Yan Shuang immediately hugged him tightly. He hugged himself very hard, as if to insert himself into his flesh and blood, “don’t go, don’t go…”

Ji Yao didn’t leave.

Yan Shuang couldn’t live without him.

Not enough in sight.

He even took his hand in the shower and stared at him cautiously and carefully with a look afraid of his escape, as if he was extremely precious to him.

For that look, Ji Yao couldn’t help kissing Yan Shuang.

Yan Shuang shrank in the bathtub, covered with snow-white and black hair. Ji Yao looked at his wet eyes and thought: he was really like a little mermaid forced to go ashore.

Ji Yao accompanied Yan Shuang for another week. One night, after feeding Yan Shuang with milk to help him sleep, he repeated his old skill and disappeared again.

In fact, he is just another spare room in the woods, only a 30 minute drive from the farewell villa.

However, for Yan Shuang, as long as he wants to step out of the villa, he will be immediately dissuaded by a bodyguard with a hound.

Ji Yao sat in the spare room drinking.

Two shotguns hung on the wall, staggered to form an X-shape.

He drank and looked at the two shotguns.

Alcohol made his body hot and his buried thoughts more excavated.

“You’re not like me.”

Strangely, his parents said this to him.

His mother invited him to die together before committing suicide. After he refused, she said that in disappointment.

His father repeated this sentence every moment he grew up.

So… Who is he like?

Under the shotgun is a huge screen. On the screen, a thin man is sitting in front of the TV, staring at the screen. His palm is holding the remote control. He has been watching it motionless for nearly an hour. His expression is more dull than concentration.

Ji Yao’s heart felt a strange pleasure in a strange pain.

He tried to control a man.

It’s a sin.

… but he won’t stop.

Yan Shuang watched the “postpartum care of sows” for two hours.

Very learned.

He is confident that he can be a qualified farmer!

Ji Yao has disappeared for more than half a month this time. If he doesn’t come back, he should watch the program of crop hybridization series.

The double cultivation of agriculture and animal husbandry is invincible.

Ji Yao stayed in the spare room for a full month. He was the same every day. Except for his work, he hardly talked with people. He just looked at Yan Shuang quietly facing the screen.

Sometimes he would think, is he controlling Yan Shuang or Yan Shuang controlling him.

He recalled the days he had known Yan Shuang and objectively came to the conclusion that Yan Shuang had already tried to control him.

He woke up too late.

From the first snow on the mountain, the snow never stopped. Ji Yao braved the heavy snow in the evening and drove an SUV through the forest. The closer he was to the villa, the faster his heart jumped.

Something he had always hated was awakening in his blood.

He exhausted all his will to resist, but he was still tempted to the opposite of what he wanted.

White snowflakes surrounded his car and sent him to his destination.

When the small villa appeared in sight, the door had been pushed open.

Yan Shuang ran out of the villa barefoot.

The bodyguards led the hounds to stop him, so he was surrounded by several hounds like a poor prey, hugged his shoulders, shed tears and helplessly stretched out his hand in the direction of Ji Yao’s vehicle.

Look, how easy it is to control a person. There seems to be a contemptuous and proud voice in my ear.

Very much like his father’s voice.

Ji Yao got out of the car and went to Yan Shuang, who was squatting and crying.

It’s pathetic, but he’s the cutest, isn’t he?

Ji Yao walked over and stretched out his arm to Yan Shuang. Ji Yao held the man in his arms and closed his eyes deeply.

——So… It’s his own voice.


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